Why Do I Use Labels?
In my most recent video, I discussed whether folks need to use labels. In that video, I came to the conclusion that not only do people not have to feel obligated or forced to take on a label if labels aren’t for them, but no one has the right to put one on someone else. As I have said many times, labels are tools, not tests. They also are not diagnoses. No one can make that decision for you.
So then, why do I use labels? Well, before I answer that, perhaps I should explain which labels I do use. My labels that I feel best describe my experiences are these:
Sex-averse Asexual - Experiencing little to no sexual attraction; Comfortable with conversations and scenarios involving sex provided I am not a part of the scenario or conversation.
Cupioromantic - An aromantic microlabel describing someone who wants a romantic relationship but experiences little to no romantic attraction
Aegoromantic - An aromantic microlabel describing someone who loves the concept of romance but experiences little to no romantic attraction
So you might be asking why I use microlabels for my aromantic identity but not my asexual identity. It really comes down to this: When I learned what asexual actually meant, it clicked for me. I never felt like anything fit me better than to simply identify as asexual. I always knew I didn’t mind discussions around sex, but if someone tried asking me questions about my experiences or desires? No thank you. Change the subject. I always knew on some level. I just needed the word.
But aromantic? That was a much harder journey. Aromantic wasn’t as simple as asexual. Asexual was, “Oh, yeah I don’t want that. I don’t feel that. So this is me.” But I still find myself sometimes wanting a romantic relationship like everyone else has. I still crave partnership, occasionally even romantic partnership. I love the concept of romantic love and the idea of that perfect love story.
I feel like for me, using those microlabels helps me connect closer with my aromantic identity. Without them, there’s this disconnect. They help me. They help me know that I fit somewhere, that I’m not alone, and that there’s a community of others who get it. And that means everything to me.
