Are Soulmates Real?

Do you believe in soulmates? What does that look like for you?

There’s a common perception that the word refers to a romantic and/or sexual partner. Someone who you were destined to find throughout space and time, sometimes even referred to simply as “the one”. After all, that’s kind of implied with the word “mate”, right? But that’s not actually what a soulmate is — at least, not exclusively.

A soulmate is someone with whom you experience a deep, intimately intertwined connection that is not codependent. Someone who complements you and you them, who you feel this electric, almost magnetic pull towards. But, forgive me if I’m misinterpreting this but… couldn’t that be a friend or family?

Interestingly enough when I searched for the basis of a definition to use here, every article that came up said that a soulmate does not need to be romantic or sexual. So, why does it seem like that’s the only meaning most people seem to understand that word to express?

Say it with me now - “Amatonormativity”.

Yes, I’ve talked about amatonormativity before - the belief that every person craves a romantic relationship in order to be happy in life. This societal expectation has extended to the media in such a way that the word “soulmate” has this new connotation even as it’s actual definition remains unchanged.

So do I as an aroace person believe in soulmates? Yes.

I believe that we find people that fit into our lives and we into theirs in such a perfect unison that we provide support, understanding, and genuine love. We form connections and gravitate towards those who respect us and appreciate us, those who in turn we respect and appreciate. And if we’re lucky, sometimes those connections grow so strong, those wavelengths of love and connection vibrate at a frequency just right, that we are in sync with that person in such a way that our hearts can flutter and the blood rushes to our cheeks the moment they enter a room. Our excitement kicks into overdrive just being near them because our entire being knows what that connection means to us. When their name pops up in a notification or a song reminds us of a memory with them, our mood softens because we feel their presence even when they aren’t there.

I am aromantic. I am asexual. But I know what love feels like, and I do believe in the power it holds.