Family is Who You Invite In

In the weeks following the 2024 US Presidential Election, I’ve gone through the stages of grief, though acceptance is still something I wish I could hold off. I grew up in a deeply red county in Wisconsin, one of the swing states that itself went red this year. Never mind the fact that the county I live in now is one of the two most blue areas in the state.

This morning, something was said to me by someone who voted for him that caused my jaw to actually drop. They defended their vote by saying this: “We voted for our families. You don’t have one. And that’s your fault.” They went on to say that they didn’t think I’m actually aroace and that I should get my hormones checked.

The hormones thing I’ve had thrown my way from every direction time and time again. It’s ridiculous and shows a serious lack of understanding of the intricacies of the aromantic and asexual spectrums. But to say I don’t have a family. To point out that I’m childless, that I don’t have a romantic partner, and to say that means I don’t have a family or to insinuate that’s “my fault”… that’s yet another level of ignorance.

Family can be a heavy handed word. There are a lot of responsibilities and expectations that come with it. But family is also those who believe in you, those who care about you, and who don’t need those expectations to keep you together.

If your definition of family is unconditional because you have no other choice, that’s not family. But if your definition of family is unconditional because the bonds that have been built by love, acceptance, a continued effort to learn, and to listen, not because it’s required but because you feel drawn to do so, then that’s a real family.

Blood does not make someone family. Aspec folks can have any family design they want. Whatever brings you joy, whoever is there for you, and however that looks for you — that’s family. And no one can ever take your true family from you.